Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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