did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
