Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
