i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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