I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
