i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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