it's not cheating when I paid for it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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