Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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