Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
