I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
