if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
