i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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