I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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