Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
