Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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