I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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