I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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