Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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