cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
