even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
