Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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