dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
