Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
