I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
