I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
