its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
