I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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