So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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