I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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