so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
