I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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