I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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