the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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