We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
