Say something about gay babies.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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