The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
