somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
