I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
