I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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