I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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