I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
