I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize