Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
God I need to hump something, right now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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