I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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