Four minutes until I can fart!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
