All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
