the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
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Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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