all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
