u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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