What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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