Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
