PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize