areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
