i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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