I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
