THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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