um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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