We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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