Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
