Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
