I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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