Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
