when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
