Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
