I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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