Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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