Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
