i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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