There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
