Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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