My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
