when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
