Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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