she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
