Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
