Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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