i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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