how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
