she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
