Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
