btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
