That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
